So to review, Bill Belichick has no class. Excellence, attention to detail, a calm demeanor and consistent success are not classy. Victory cigars, braggadocio, ref-baiting, taunting, self-promotion, complaining, sore loserishness, breaking & entering, and playoff failure are classy. As long as the press likes you. Glad we made sense of all this. Stay classy.
from the September 19, 2007 issue (http://www.barstoolsports.com/article/belichicks_classlessness_explained/1675/ )
Belichick's Classlessness Explained
"As his team gets further removed from its Super Bowl run, Belichick's career as a Hall of Fame coach is quickly being overtaken by his career as a Hall of Fame jackass."
- Bob Cook, MSNBC, "Belichick Has Track Record of Classlessness"
"[The Patriots] showed they have no class at all, absolutely no class, maybe that comes from the head coach."
- LaDanian Tomlinson, after last year's AFC Divisional Playoff
"Actually, I'd like to join you, but I have class tonight." "I'll tell you what, then. Why don't you call me some time when you have no class?"
- Rodney Dangerfield, "Back to School"
In the last week and a half, since the TapeGate "scandal" first broke, Bill Belichick, the genius football coach/object of my obsessive manlove, has been accused of everything short of terrorism, sedition, treason, blasphemy and giving an Emmy to David Chase for the "Sopranos" finale. But without a doubt the most scathing rebuke of The Hooded One has to be accusing him of a lack of class.
Isn't that just about the worst thing you can say about someone in America today? I mean, maybe there was a time when it was an insult to say some celebrity is a worthless, drug-addicted skank. Now it just means you've read her autobiography. Call some public official a conniving, thieving weasel who's using public money to feather his own nest? That's just another way of saying he's certain to get re-elected. Saying some pop star is a slutty hosebag just means you've seen her homemade sex tape. But say someone has no class, and you've cut them, Shrek. You've cut them deep.
But what is "class" anyway? Is really more important than anything else? Is Belichick-level consistent excellence better to have in the long run? How are you supposed to know who has it? Who's to decide who's classy and who's not? Do we have a sort of Nazish system where the media act as the Class SS, and separate the classy from the non? "You have no class; take the line on the right...You're classy; go to the left. You there! You slobby one in the grey hoodie! To the right, please, danke..."
Let's take the case of Belichick. Opposing NFL players, coaches, GM's and media pundits alike have declared the debate over. He's classless. Why? Why, of all the legendary coaches we've witnessed in our lifetime in all sports at all levels, is the Hooded One being singled out for a trip to the Class Chamber? Because he dressed for comfort instead of to impress? Because LaDanian Tomlinson is a sore loser? Because he doesn't suck up to the media?
Imagine for a minute that Belichick was a different guy than he is now. What if instead of being cerebral and taciturn, he was loud and bombastic. What if instead of trying to keep his team focused and avoid distraction, he blamed every loss on the officials and baited refs to the point where he made Mark Cuban look like Mr. Spock? What if he goaded opposing players into fistfights? What if instead of videotaping coaches' signals to mess with his opponents, he actually manipulated the atmosphere in the visitor's locker room to make them more uncomfortable? What if instead of saying nothing about opposing teams that would give them bulletin board material, he came up with a signature move, a ritual he used toward the end of games, who's sole purpose was to signal victory was at hand and rub the loser's faces in it? Would people be whining like Frenchmen that he had no class then?
Because there was a coach like that. There's a statue of him in Boston. The NBA "Coach of the Year" trophy is named after him. And if Red Auerbach was put off by people saying he lacked class, he did a hell of a job suppressing his angst. Maybe twenty years from now John Feinstein will write a book about what an honor it was to hang with Belichick and listen to him spin yarns over plates of Moo Shu Pork.
What if Belichick, instead of every week graciously talking up the Pats opponents like they were the '86 Bears, said things like " I'll beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on" or "When you are as great as I am it is hard to be humble" or "I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was. " Because the guy who did say all that, was Muhammad Ali. And the same press who are talking about a football coach like he's history's greatest monster have spent their whole careers talking about Ali like he was rocketed to Earth as a child. Why? Because Ali was arguably the most colorful, entertaining character in sports history. He made it easy for writers because he gave them lots to write about and they got to spend more time getting drunk and eating Moo Shu Pork. And that's class.
Tomlinson's beef with Belichick of course stems from the fact that after the playoff game last January, Ellis Hobbs and another couple of Pats players were celebrating on the field after an insanely dramatic win by imitating his teammate's "Lights Out" sack dance. "To do the dance that Shawne Merriman is known for is disrespectful to me and this team." And somehow, the nation picked up this particular verbal grenade and started lobbing it at the Pats to the point where some of the players, including Hobbs, apologized publicly for their actions. So to perform a sack dance, even if you're losing 24-0 as Merriman did against the Pats Sunday night, is classy. To imitate that dance after you pull off the biggest win in two years, that's classless. Got it?
Obviously if you're want to accuse Belichick of classlessness and you're looking for ammo, the TapeGate fiasco has given you a whole battleship's magazine worth. Not that he's the only one to ever video tape signals to...I'd prefer to say "try to gain an edge" but for shorthand I'll just say "cheat." The Cleveland Indians teams who faced the Red Sox in the playoffs three times in the 90's had a camera in the center field bleachers to steal catcher's signs. In addition, they not only corked bats, but had a clubhouse boy sneak into the umpire's locker room through the ceiling to switch the corked bats with legit ones. The Indians manager of the time was Mike Hargrove. And if you don't remember him being talked about like he's bin Laden, it's because it never happened. Maybe because he didn't win three championships like Belichick, I don't know. Maybe you can cheat and be considered classy if you're not real good at it. (Note: Karma did finally catch up with Hargrove though as he's now in Kansas managing a semi-pro team named the Liberal Bee Jays. You couldn't make that up.)
So to review, Bill Belichick has no class. Excellence, attention to detail, a calm demeanor and consistent success are not classy. Victory cigars, braggadocio, ref-baiting, taunting, self-promotion, complaining, sore loserishness, breaking & entering, and playoff failure are classy. As long as the press likes you. Glad we made sense of all this. Stay classy.
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